A Decent Proposal
Sir, 9:02 PM So... you wile away some time with Asworn! Then I would assume you check in with your pet Displacer Beast before he literally destroys everything. Kite, 9:03 PM Kite does, although she IS pretty sure everyone would have fed him. Sir, 9:04 PM It's not about that! It's the principle. Kite, 9:07 PM Kite checks on her beloved kitty. She does bring food. Sir, 9:10 PM Really, you're just dreading the day he realizes he can just teleport to more bacon. Kite, 9:15 PM Kite loves her kitty. Sir, 9:22 PM So! You're back at the Inn! Maybe having some food while you wait for a bathtub so that you can clean some paint off you. (Neither you nor Answorn has Presti, after all.) Chant walks in. Kite, 9:23 PM Kite waves. Kite, 9:23 PM Kite is indeed a little painty, but seems cheerful enough. Sir, 9:28 PM Chant comes over. "Hey! Just the person I wanted to see. How have you been? Kite, 9:28 PM Quite well. You? Sir, 9:33 PM Chant: Can't complain! Sir, 9:34 PM Chant: I was hoping I could talk to you about something. It's.. kind of sensitive. Kite, 9:35 PM Certainly. Sit, have some juice. Kite, 9:38 PM Tell me. Sir, 9:40 PM Chant: Okay. Sir, 9:41 PM He seems to be psyching himself up for something. Kite, 9:42 PM ... go ahead. Sir, 9:47 PM He takes a deep breath. Sir, 9:47 PM Chant: This isn't easy for me to say... and I'm usually not at a loss for words. Kite, 9:48 PM I am fairly open-minded in most cases, if that helps. Sir, 9:50 PM Chant: ... will you marry me? Kite, 9:50 PM Kite blinks. Kite, 9:51 PM ... Kite, 9:51 PM ... the question seems... premature. Sir, 9:58 PM Chant: We worked pretty well together, I thought. Kite, 9:58 PM Traditionally it is customary to date first? Sir, 10:06 PM Chant: I suppose it is, here. How many dates, do you think before it's appropriate? Kite, 10:07 PM ... are you sure you are not ill, or confused? Perhaps enchanted? Kite, 10:16 PM Or have you fallen recently and struck your head? Sir, 10:17 PM He looks around, conspiratorially. "No, not at all. I like you a lot, even though we just met and.. Okay. this is going to sound really bad and I want to you to know that I am genuinely fond of you. This wouldn't work otherwise. I need to be married to someone from this plane so I can stay and I don't have to go be a Prince of the Abyss. Kite, 10:18 PM Ah, I see. That is more sensible. Kite, 10:19 PM I am not sure I qualify as being from this plane. Kite, 10:19 PM ... could you not simply politely decline? Sir, 10:20 PM Chant: The 322nd Level of Evisceratus isn't very understanding on these matters. Kite, 10:22 PM ... ordinarily I would be glad to oblige, but I do not think I can. Perhaps one of the others in my party would be able to oblige, if we speak to them. Sir, 10:22 PM Chant: It wouldn't work. I need to have actual affection. Kite, 10:26 PM ... there must be someone else you can ask. Sir, 10:27 PM Chant: One other person, but they refused. ... you really don't want to, do you. Kite, 10:29 PM ... recently, a wizard foresaw a... difficult and awkward future for me. I do not want to cause you more complications than you are clearly already suffering. Sir, 10:37 PM Chant: Damn wizards. Stupid portents. Sir, 10:37 PM Chant: .... what kind of future? Kite, 10:38 PM Quite similar to yours. Perhaps less pleasant. Sir, 10:43 PM Chant: ... less pleasant than being the Lord of Gnashing Blades? Kite, 10:46 PM I am not suited to the position. Kite, 10:46 PM Why would you have to become a prince of the abyss? Sir, 10:46 PM Chant: ...me neither. Do I seem like a Lord of Gnashing Blade? Kite, 10:47 PM No. However, you could fake it? Sir, 10:48 PM Chant: Not without compromising who I am. And who I want to be. Kite, 10:48 PM ... is there any other way to avoid the issue? Why must there be affection? Sir, 10:52 PM Chant: Old rules, and some small loopholes and technicalities. Old rules say 'true love'. But these are some of the most chaotic and evil demons in the Abyss... they're pretty much made of primal amounts of the stuff. So 'True Affection' is enough to skate by. Kite, 10:53 PM But why you? Kite, 11:02 PM You look largely humanoid. Sir, 11:06 PM Chant: Because I'm their Chosen One. Because prophecies do nothing but screw people like us over. We have mixed blood --through no fault of anyone -- but that means magic and fate and synchronicity just put us int eh middle of any prophecy that stupid wizards cook up. Kite, 11:07 PM How much time do you have? Sir, 11:07 PM Chant: Not terribly long. Couple of weeks before the come looking for me. Sir, 11:08 PM Just... think it over. I mean, technically you'd be Lady of Gnashing Blades, but we could stay here. Just... a political arrangement, if you'd like. Kite, 11:08 PM What would the position entail? Sir, 11:09 PM Chant: Absolutely nothing. No responsibilities -- heavens, I'm doing this because I don't want the responsibilities. Which are gross and torture related. Kite, 11:13 PM If you are not, who is doing the torturing, and if it is no one, will they not be... irritated? Sir, 11:15 PM Chant: I assume they'll find another person. Too much to hope that they'd change their ways. Kite, 11:18 PM And you do not feel they would drag you back? Sir, 11:23 PM Chant: There's always the chance, but the for the most part, they'll obey the Old Rules. Kite, 11:25 PM ... are you not concerned they would drag me back? Sir, 11:27 PM Chant: No. You're a native of this plane, and Evisceratas can't stand up to the Wonderweir. And one of the natives being pulled down to an obscure hell, still alive, against her will? That's the kind of thing they were put here to defend against. Sir, 11:27 PM Chant: It's why I came here. Kite, 11:28 PM I have extraplanar ancestry. I am not certain I count as a native of this plane. Sir, 11:28 PM Chant: You were born here. Kite, 11:28 PM Additionally, one could argue that a marriage contract represents an agreement. Sir, 11:30 PM Chant: You do count as a native. Your ancestry doesn't matter, this is where you're from. Sir, 11:31 PM He sighs. "It's all right. I have time, I'll figure out something else. Thanks for hearing me out, though." Kite, 11:33 PM ... if there is no other alternative I will do it. Kite, 11:33 PM It is only that I do not wish you to jump from frying pan to fire with your choice. We will try to find another answer. Sir, 11:35 PM Chant: I don't want to take advantage. It's all right, I'll find a way. Kite, 11:36 PM I do not feel you would be taking advantage. Kite, 11:37 PM If it were not for my own... similar issue, I would have agreed. Kite, 11:37 PM If you objected to only the torture that would be one thing, but as you object also to the responsibility it would be... unkind of me to accept. Unless necessary. Sir, 11:41 PM Chant: ... Now I'm very confused. Kite, 11:41 PM I told you I was under a similar fate, one with many responsibilities. Sir, 11:42 PM Chant: Being a torture queen? Kite, 11:42 PM There is no torture involved, and queen is not correct. Sir, 11:48 PM Chant: Well. I can understand not wanting to be two kinds of royalty. Even if one is just the title. I don't even know if they'd mix. Kite, 11:49 PM Yes. However, it is certainly preferable over you being dragged to hell. Kite, 11:50 PM ... it would have to be an open marriage. I am already seeing two men. Sir, 11:51 PM Chant: Of course, it would just be one of convenience and arrangement. But it's alright. Forget I asked -- I shouldn't have put you on the spot. Sir, 11:51 PM He gets up to go. Kite, 11:52 PM Please stay. I would not object to... dating. I enjoyed singing with you.